I put up the flag on the mailbox and send out letters to gods. I make collect calls pleading for a connection. I smile but I have forgotten when it is right. I laugh at the wrong jokes. At the wrong time. Or at the smiles. I begin to forget what order and what timing to use. My social cues askew. Awkward and evident festering questions of relevance. Weighted silence wait. Please wait. Insert a gesture and pray it's correct. a grimace a grin. all masking confusion. the role to play. be played. what is the context. the personality. the unease. the letters sent.